I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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