What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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