Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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