I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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