I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
