I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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