I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
