I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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