i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sober January is a disaster.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
