Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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