tell your sister to shave her snatch
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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