My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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