i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
