Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
