I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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