someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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