Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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