Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I won the penis lottery.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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