He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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