I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
