Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
