Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
