The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
tell me about the fingering
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