god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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