If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
