if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
