Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
