My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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