I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
