my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
