her vagine was all disorganized.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
