I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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