I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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