So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
