I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
