If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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