We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
