You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
