pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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