I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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