the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
