you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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