Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
