i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
