D3 body, D1 cock
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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