the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
