he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
