it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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