roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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