No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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