So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
