I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
