I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
