i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
